tired.

it gets tiring to always be on your guard.
to be strong.
to not break.
to protect the most
valuable
vulnerable
fragile
and
destructive
part
of the body.

the heart.

it can make you do things
you thought you were not
capable of.

but can destroy you
to the point of death.

can i keep up? can you keep up?

shhhh...

words.
words.
words.

that come out of your mouth.

have lost there value.

they have become a siren
to warn off those who want to escape
your
chains of deceit and chaos.

some times things are better left unspoken.
but you persist and
continue
to ruin yourself.

i have tried but it is pointless.
i need to run
escape
hide.

you leave to much
collateral damage.

it is a war that everyone will lose
no one will wave white flag
no one will apologies

words words words.
they pierce the mind and the spirit.
a wound that can make you bleed longer
than any physical pain can.

words words words.
a double edged sword
that stabs you with the lie or the truth.

words words words.
you 'say' they don't hurt you
but you lie.

words.
words.
words.

has power to change
direction,
people
and
the world.

start what you finish.

if you start the
game
be prepared to finish it.
because if you don't.
i will.

underdog

under estimate me
and come up against me
i will crush you
till i breathe my last breath.

i may not look like much
but neither do you.
but i am not ignorant enough
to not be careful
and let my guard down.

if you want to fight give it your all.
because i will.

keep your friends close
and your enemies closer.

but i say.

trust no one.
at least you know the enemy exists.
but the friend can be the one that may undo you.
and be your downfall.

i let my guard down once.
and tried to be a friend
but now
i am not so sure.
i do not mean any harm.
but
if its a fight you want.
then its a fight you will get.

No One

No one can judge me
but
God himself.

No one can label me
cause i know who i am.

haven't you ever heard the saying.
don't judge a book by its cover.

i will give you a chance to prove yourself.

i expected the same from you.

if you questioned my motives and my characteristics.
do not ask them with
insults
sarcasm
or rhetorical questions.

have the courage
have the strength
and truly show how noble you can be.

all you have to do
is ask.
and i will give you an answer.

so please
before you make an assumption of me
or for anyone else.

take a good look at yourself.

i don't push a label on you,
don't do it to me.

if you do,
i feel sorry for you and pity you.

if you read this
and ask yourself why?
you look for the answer.
cause its something i cant tell you.
but something you have to understand yourself.
and
for myself.

Mask

you wear a mask to hide the truth
but it begins to crack.

your a liar.
your a fake.
you could buy everything in the world
and
it would not change who you truly are.

you talk it up.
you use words to protect yourself.

it gave you strength
but made you weak once you took it off.
why?
because you have truly lost yourself and who you are.
take the mask off.
now.
before its to late.
it makes me question who i met that day.

will i ever see the face behind the mask.
will you see it when you
look in the mirror.
tell me who you really are.
tell yourself who you are.

you can wear the mask sure it can be fun.
but leave it on to long.
your face will become the mask.

Greatest.

I am no one special.

Just a common man with common thoughts.

There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten.

But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived.

I've loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough.

ambition.

Conviction keeps me going
determined to finish what i started
but what happens when
it turns to an
obsession
pushing the limits
to my ambition

be careful.

control
ambition as a
goal

not an obsession
or it can
destroy you and
push you
further
from
where
you want to go

Listen.

No One

Listens.

Because everybody

Wants

To Be

Heard.

So...

So I'm gonna watch my back
Watching every move you make
Hearing every word you say
I won’t make that same mistake
So it’s gonna be my turn
Ill place a shield upon my heart
Ill amend these broken wounds
Be stronger than I was from the start

You drove that dagger to the spot
Where I would bleed the most
I was a pawn into this game
You laughed distraught
I took the blame

I was the fool to protect.
My own enemy
I was your Adam
You were my Eve.
You took a bite
I was deceived.

You pushed me off the ledge
Made me insane
Brought me to the edge
Was it a lie was it a truth?
When you said you loved me to.
Does it really matter now?
No it doesn’t matter now.

So you better watch your back
Cause you will get hurt to
Baby not by me
But a guy that will fool you

So you better be prepared
To play this game of love
Both will win
Both will lose
Hope you were more fortunate than I was

So you better make sure
That you have a first aid kit
Will you know how to heal yourself?
Like I once did.

epiphany.

i have just

realised that

i am

no

longer an A grade student.


the horrible thing is i have no idea what to do about it.
I'm used to the fact that every thing came easy to me
without the effort...

what now? i don't know
what will i do? i don't know

a part of me being educated
in a sense
has just been questioned.

you are educated.
BUT to what extent.
we live up to our own expectations.

but sometimes they are so high
that we
have no intent in reaching them anymore.

i need more in life.

But what can i do about it now?

Ill just have to finish

what i have started...

oh and i know for a fact that i may be talking to myself

and that you frankly don't give a damn, and it may not be inspiring or whatever you get out of this if you even read this.

I may be on the verge of an identity/ midlife crisis.

sorry for waisting your time.

Laughter.

a laugh can mean so many things.

it can express a person's appetite to humour.

a way to conceal the truth.

a tool to break the ice.

or trying to be polite.

i laugh for all these reasons.

but

i laugh because it

helps me get by.

its a path to break the tension.

to ease the seriousness of things.

the sound of joy and happiness.

i feed off that.

misery loves company.

but we seek to get out of that.

and find better surroundings.

i laugh because it makes me feel good.

I've been asked quite often,

why are you laughing?

or

why do you laugh at everything?

my answer is

more laughter.

why?

i don't know.

laughter substitutes crying.

laughter is strong.

crying is weak.

i don't want to be vulnerable.

no one does.

i laugh to forget.

pain. sorrow.

anything negative.

if i smile and laugh.

maybe then

i can

fool the world.

and

fool my heart.

crossword.

life

is

like a

crossword.

it is full of

missing spaces

that are awaiting to be

filled.

you are given

clues.

you are given

choices.

in which direction

you want to go.

there is always

a word that can be used

to

describe.

define.

determine.

every moment.

from day to day

crosswords may vary.

sometime they are

easy.

sometimes

hard.

one can be amazed to

realise.

something they never had before

at times we may get stuck.

and leave it for a while.

but

the worst thing you can do is

leave it unfinished.

like crosswords

life is solvable.

perseverance is the key.

soon enough

you discover the answer.

eventually.

Failure.

you try your best.

prepare for it.

lower your expectations.

but nothing.

can.
stop.

the disappointment.

a romantic fool.

From the start to the end
The only thing we knew

Was how to pretend.

What love is...

Did I have any regrets
With every touch and every kiss

Did you have any regrets
Of every word and every breath

I don’t want to say goodbye
Darling not just yet
Turn the clock back
Please rewind
To when we just first met

I don’t want to say goodbye
Wait a little longer now
No more need to say goodbye


Through the sunshine in the clouds
Reflects the soul within your eyes

When you move and turn around
I can hear and feel all your lies

You say that you don’t want me
Because you know that you love me

I don’t say that I need you
Because I cant live without you

Nothing can keep us part not even death itself
Nothing will ever keep us apart

So please don’t let go
So please let go of me

Together. With one heart

Together. Were Still apart

coffee.

a beverage.

a drug.

motivates.

sweet companion.

you push, you pull, you drag me down.

stimulant.

a sleepless night.

sleepy day.

eyes dilate.

wake me up.

once again.

hidden treasure.

you give your

own

definition of friendship.



you are a blessing.


you inspire.



i can not ask for anything more.


you have helped me more than you will ever know.




i listen you speak.

i speak you listen.



you can understand.

i can empathise.




i will be your shrink.

and


you will be my lawyer.


you are not alone

remember.

i am here.

i may seem far.
but I'm only a txt. phone call. and FB message.
away



you are the strength.
i have needed.


you are the sword always by my side
that gives me strength to be me,
the courage to express my
thoughts.


together
we shall conquer the world.


as you are my sword
i shall be your

shield.

to protect you from any

dangers whatever they may be.


i will learn from you.
hopefully
you can learn from me.


i laugh so i don't break.

i smile so i don't snap.


if you are angry
i will be angry with you.


if i hurt you.
i am dearly sorry.


if you hurt me.
i will forgive.


you are the hidden treasure
i have longed for.

the missing ingredient.

only a few that can be found in a lifetime.


something that has become of

great value

in a short amount of time.


you may not see it.
they may not see it.
but i do.


you have a heart of GOLD.


and for that



I thank you.

what we see.

Hatred. Love.

Injury. Pardon.

Doubt. Faith.

Despair. Hope.

Darkness. Light.

Sadness. Joy.

we feel emotions, it is part of nature.

we don't want to feel pain but it happens.

these emotions oppose one another, one cannot exist without the other.

the only problem is what we see.

we focus on the

negative

because its easier

i myself know this for a fact.

we are hindered by a mirage of false hope and pretense,

but are we the ones who create this.

with one motive.

to destroy ourselves.

we are the poison.

but

we are also the cure.

the only question is..

will you

realise.

find.

see.

the beauty behind the madness.

Youth. Vanity. Educated. Sanity.

This is partially who i am.


Youth.
I glorify the Youth, through their revolutionary perceptions of the world
who give hope and meaning to themselves and others.

Although fooled by the lie that they can change the world.

Myself am a visionary, who aspire goals and dreams.
I am a fool too.

To think that I could sing my life way, only to find out I would soon be
part of this corporate world, this sham I would call a career.

the famous word of "I have a dream.." inspired many.
but now all I have to say is
"I had a dream"

My dying dream would be everlasting youth, the time when we aspire and thought
our dream jobs and goals were possible.
I guess this is all on luck.


Vanity.
I am vain, you are vain. the world is vain.

its the inside that counts...
It is true to an extent, although the eyes usually decide
the first impression.
whether there is potential or not.

Vanity through the materialistic.
fashion, housing, social status.

I try not to judge and care on self image. But it is difficult.
therefore i know i am vain.


Educated.
13 years of studying. now into the 14th.
The university life is challenging.
but it is not impossible.

I have no right to complain, as most people go through this stage in life.
Some without the opportunity.
I am privileged to be educated in such a high level.

Knowledge I have gained and Wisdom I have learned to understand.
I continue to learn not only theoretically but practically in life.

Life itself is a teacher that lets me advance and move through the obstacles of this life.
I am educated, and now more open minded.

But my morals and values are still well cemented.
Its difficult though necessary.
I am educated.


Sanity.
this one thing i am unsure of.

the tendencies I adapt and habits i take up
make me question this thing called "sanity".

I tend to talk to myself in my head, but surely i am not the only one.

I have the potential to manipulate, for self gain and move up.
does this make me some sort of psychopath.

the emotions to hate, love and feel pain.
this is all normal i am told.

Sanity is something we have attained, but is slowly slipping form our grasp.
its something we are desperate for, longing for, needing and wanting for.

But as humans, we all naturally have the tendency to destroy this Sanity by our actions and words produced from our thoughts.


Youth.
Vanity.
Educated.
Sanity.

These are PARTS to who i am.